Funny Nights at Freddy's
by Vixin2
Summary: In which things are a lot more humorous crazy at the infamous Fazbear Pizzeria. Featuring you favourite bunch of murderous animatronics and Lizzy from 'Third Time's the Charm'. Because you know you want more FNaF parodies here! Rated T just in case, and because it's Fazbear's.
1. Freddy's Bringing Pizza Back!

Mr. Davidson, Manager of Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, considered himself a reasonable man. Not perfect if the amount of dead guards said anything, but reasonable. He came to work earlier then he really needed to be just for the purpose of getting paperwork done earlier so he could take watch in the security room for a while. There was only so long he could keep Phil here without it being classified as abuse for some reason.

_Knock, knock…_

Mr. Davidson looked up from his doodle of Toy Chica (don't ask what it was exactly, you don't want to know) and to his door.

"Come in."

He briefly wondered who it was. The knock was fairly loud, so he doubted it was any of the on-shift workers. He doubted it was Lizzy, even if she did tend to knock loudly. She wasn't that bad.

Needless to say, he was rather shocked to see the door opened by the restaurant's namesake himself, Freddy Fazbear.

Holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, with very little inside it left. Freddy ended up banging against the sides of the door in a drunkenly manner, muttering something to himself that Mr. Davidson couldn't quite understand.

"Fr-Freddy? What are you doing here? Your show starts in five minutes!"

"Forget the show," Freddy slurred. "Sing-on, sing-off… No one listens to us anymore, you cock sucker."

"Freddy!" Mr. Davidson was appalled at Freddy's language. Definitely not the appropriate language for a children's pizzeria. Children actually came here damn it! It was bad enough having Lizzy here. Her mouth was worse than a sailors…

"Did Lizzy teach you that language?"

"You think you know everything, don't you," Freddy muttered, placing his free metallic hand on the desk. "But you don't. You don't know the pain I'm in!" Freddy then began to sniff, his eyes (despite being fake) looked watery. "It's always the same. We're closed. We're re-opening. We're closed again, oh no we're re-opening. Why are you breaking my heart? All of our hearts?!"

"Freddy, please, you're drunk. Somehow." Mr. Davidson looked at the bottle of Jack Daniels. "Where did you even get there? Did Bert bring in alcohol again? Damn Janitors."

"Whoa!" Freddy's eyes widened. "Don't… Don't be racist, man. Janitors are people just like you, me and those whiney brats outside."

"What?! I'm not being racist, I'm just saying that… Wait, you're not even a person."

"Does that really matter in a conversation like this?"

"… Yes?"

"Whatever," Freddy brushed it off. "Anyway, the reason I came in here is that…" Freddy hiccupped and barfed up oil all over the desk. Because even though they are electrical, they must have oil like the Tin Man. To act as blood, tears and other bodily fluids including the sex kind.

By the way, even though this is a kid's place, they have dicks hidden in hatches. At least that's the rumour Bert started up. But you know Bert. Never a hundred percent sober in the day since he lost his gambling money betting 2012 would occur. So chances are that he is wrong. At least, you should hope so.

"Aw, Freddy! Ewww!" Mr. Davidson stood up from his desk in disgust. "What the hell, man?"

"Hey, I'm Freddy Fucking Fazbear, I can do whatever I like," Freddy told him. "I can do what I like, and not face the consequences. I'm getting away with multiple murders!"

"Freddy, quiet!" Mr. Davidson hissed as he looked behind Freddy to the STILL OPEN door. "We don't want anyone knowing!"

"Where do you store the bodies anyway?" Freddy questioned before tipping the rest of his bottle into his mouth. "Ahh… So, what? Do you burn them or something?"

"Freddy, quiet and get back on stage you only have-!"

"OH, now I remember why I came here to begin with. I need your pants." Freddy demanded nonchalant. Mr. Davidson looked incredulous.

"Excuse me, what?!"

"I need your pants, so give them you horse cock sucker."

"What the hell does Lizzy say at night?!" Mr. Davidson really needed to talk to that girl.

"I'm too busy crying in despair in the girl's bathroom to pay much attention," Freddy answered bluntly. He then broke into oily tears. "I don't like any of this! It's so soul crushing and makes me want to die! Why do we keep closing down?"

"Well maybe if you stopped murdering-."

"Shut up. Hand over the pants."

"No!"

"You asked for it!"

Had anyone been outside the room, they would have heard a large sound of something hitting the floor, followed by yelling.

"Wh-where's Freddy?" Bonnie asked nervously, ears down lows. "He's supposed to be here by now!"

"I don't know," Chica replied anxiously. "But if he isn't here soon, I'm taking over!"

"But Freddy said only he could hold the microphone."

"Since when have I cared for what he said?"

"_Who's ready for Freddy~?_"

Chica and Bonnie froze. They heard Freddy's voice outside of the curtains, in the dining room. Followed by club music. More specifically, strip club type of music.

Freddy had developed a drinking problem a year ago, due to the stresses of so many openings and closings, guards not getting stuffed into suits and just being the band leader in general. He had been able to control it for the most part so he was at least sober during the day. He must have snapped or something if he was drunk now.

"Oh, dear Sweeney no," Chica mumbled the name of their original boss and creator from the diner before she and Bonnie peaked through the curtains. Freddy was standing on a table, hands behind his head, and gyrating his robot hips around. The tatters of Mr. Davidson's pants were around his hips. Obviously while the Manager wasn't as slim as say Lizzy or Phil, his clothes weren't big enough for Freddy. They were so ripped, that they looked more like a skirt that was too short to be considered a skirt and may as well be a belt.

Freddy was grinning, trying to look sexy. He was going to be the Justin Timberlake of pizzerias and he would be the one bringing sexy back.

"Freddy!" Mr. Davidson stormed in, his pant-less state revealing he wore blue boxers with a pattern of cute panda faces. "Get off of that!"

"I'm pleasing the ladies and anyone into guys, so screw off!" Freddy then grinned in the direction of a grandmother who was here for her grandson's seventh birthday. Freddy's grin had her mortified. More so when he got off the table he was on, only to get on top of the granny's table, standing right in front of her.

"How about a little twerking, lovely~." Freddy purred drunkenly as he turned around, and twerked his robo-ass right in front of the granny's face. Little children started to cry, not understanding what was going on. Some parents took their children away from this restaurant to get away from the inappropriateness and also using it as an excuse to avoid paying for their food.

Granny looked like she was close to a heart attack.

"PHIL!" Mr. Davidson roared for the day-shift security guard., sounding like a high-pitched woman. "GET IN HERE AND HELP GET FREDDY OFF THE TABLE!"

"Twerk it good, twerk it right. With Freddy, you'll be up all night," Freddy sang off key, turning his head back to wink suggestively.

Later that night…

Freddy sat in the corner of the stage, sobbing as he held his fifth bottle of whisky that night. The old lady did end up having a heart attack, and had to be taken to hospital while a nonplussed looking Phil and an annoyed Mr. Davidson took Freddy away to the Parts and Services room. Even a scared looking Bonnie had to help.

The good news? The old lady would be fine, and some of the kids who weren't traumatised by Freddy's drunken actions who had parents that didn't give a damn (which was surprisingly the majority that came here by at least 91%) thought it was cool the animatronics could walk around, so they may be able to walk around again next week.

Bad news? Freddy wouldn't be allowed off stage for the entire month. In fact, tomorrow morning he was supposed to get his feet nailed to the floor with multiple nails.

"I just wanted to bring joy to everyone…" Freddy wailed. "Is that so wrong?"

"No, lad! It isn't!" Foxy peaked his head out from his curtains and sniffed. "Nothing wrong at all. Unlike me. When ALL those years ago, I bit-."

"You bit a guy in the head, we get it!" Chica yelled from the kitchen. "You did it on purpose, we all know you did! Stop trying to make yourself the victim!"

"Ca-can we stop yelling please," Bonnie sniffed from the other side of the stage, robotic lips quivering as his robo-legs shuck.

"Shut up, Bonnie!" Freddy snapped, before getting off the stage and getting on the nearest table. Looking up at the camera, he yelled out, "Sec-security! Lizbeth… Lizbethal? No, Lizbeth! You think I'm sexy, don't you? Watch this!"

In the security office, Lizzy was caught between horror and shock as Freddy shuck his ass in front of the camera. It was almost as much of a scary mofo as the Marionette! Maybe even scarier!

…

She felt like she needed a strong drink.

"Hey, what's going on?" BB asked as he wandered into the dining room, Marionette close behind him. BB looked at Freddy for a moment before tugging at the Marionette's leg. "Mari, what's Freddy doing?"

"You don't want to know," Marionette said dryly as he covered the child animatronics' eyes. He was too young to witness this type of depravity of humanity. "Chica, get Balloon Boy out of here before he decides to follow in Freddy's footsteps and become a stripper who will mentally scar people for life."

"Coming…" Chica came in from the kitchen and picked BB up. "Let's go make some pizza flavoured cookies!"

"Yay!"

"That takes care of that," Marionette muttered before he looked in the direction of where Freddy was supposed to be. But he wasn't there. "What the… Where did he go?"

"Love my butt!"

Freddy was twerking his ass in front of Lizzy's east window. She kept the lights off though. No need to give herself more mental scars.

"For god's sake, go away!"

"Love my twerking ability!"

"I'll shove this fan right up that ass," Lizzy snarled as she grabbed the fan from her desk.

"I'd like to see you try!" Freddy gave out his infamous laugh. No way would that happen.

Later…

"It really is up there," an engineer told Mr. Davidson as he looked up from Freddy's behind. Freddy himself (who was laying stomach down on one of the tables) was whimpering out of the pain in his rear, and the pain of his hangover. "How did she even do it?"

"Rage," Mr. Davidson replied dryly. "Horrible, horrible rage."


	2. In the Office!

Freddy wasn't the exact same after Lizzy literally ripped him a new asshole or rather 'a asshole', seeing how he didn't have a hole to begin with) and shoved the fan in there. Well, he was still an alcoholic man-bear-bot. If anything, the drinking got worse. And he still thought he was the sexiest animatronic in existence ever since Chuck. E. Cheese O.D on cheddaroine (a new drug that combined cheddar cheese with heroine) a year and a half previous.

Serves the famous rat bastard right.

But back on topic, what the noticeable difference was what happened whenever Lizzy came in to do her night shift….

_Freddy was staring at his feet in sorrow. He was literally nailed to the stage for the month while Chica and Bonnie got to walk around and interact with everyone. He thought it was a bit extreme. Granted, he probably overindulged himself on the Jack Daniels he stole from the kitchen. But he thought he should have been given praise for his expert twerking. Freddy had convinced himself that the grandmother who had a heart attack did so because she was just so aroused by his expertise in the fine modern art that is twerking. It's not like he had horrified and traumatised her or anyone else. Why, the kids were crying in joy as they begged their parents to leave! Surely so they could get cameras to take pictures. Maybe even help him get bigger gigs! Maybe a backup dancer, or a male stripper! Or a gigolo! It would have all been good for Freddy. Anything was better than singing to kids, and Freddy was ready for it all._

_Chica and Bonnie were on stage next to him. Waiting for midnight before they would go about and do their own thing. Chica had forbade Bonnie from getting Freddy any sort of alcoholic drink for him while he was stuck on stage. Freddy however, had prepared for such a scenario and saved up on coke laced heavily with rum. Those morons were none the wiser._

_Freddy wanted to pat his shoulder for his genius. He was the leader or a reason after all. He even had his name changed to Freddy Fucking Fazbear a year ago, though sadly it could not be made publically known, for some reason. But he had been able to convince the manager with no problems whatsoever._

_It's amazing how often you'll get people to do what you want when you have them pinned to the ground by their throat and threatening to squeeze the life (and their blood and organs) out of them, as well as threatening to shove them into a suit only mean for endoskeletons. Not people. Because that tended to result in death._

_The front door creaked open, and Lizzy herself came in to do her night shift._

_But Freddy could only think one thing as he stared at her. Horror and despair filling him up to the brim._

_The fan…_

_The fan…_

_The fan…_

_His cute robo-bear butt…_

_The fan…_

_"AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_Everyone was startled and looking at Freddy as he waved his arms frantically in the direction of Lizzy, as though he was trying to swat her away like a fly. Or perhaps he wanted to push himself further away from Lizzy as possible. An impossible task since he was nailed to the stage._

_"Freddy, what's wrong?" Bonnie asked in concern as he looked to the animatronic._

_"GET HER AWAY! GET HER AWAY!" Freddy wailed, llike magnets were all around him threatening to tear his body apart as they attracted different parts of his body._

_"Freddy, please calm down," Chica tried to calm him down as Lizzy looked on with a shocked expression. Even Foxy had peaked out of his 'curtains of shame and solitude' as he called them and looked at Freddy. He actually looked concerned for once and not just self-pitying. Marionette peaked out of the hallway leading to the bathrooms and game room (taking a brief break from making a life size doll in Lizzy's likeness), as did Balloon Boy who looked on in curiosity._

_"What's wrong with Freddy, Mari?"_

_"If I had to guess, a midlife crisis."_

_"Mari?" Lizzy looked to the two with an evil grin. "Did he call you Mari?" Lizzy broke into a small laugh. "Oh my fucking GOD! That's so damn perfect! It suits you perfectly…" Lizzy smirked. "Virgin Mari."_

_Marionette may not have been able to show it due to the perpetual smile on his mask, but he was crying inside. Why did his love have to be so cruel at times? He would have thought she would stop it by now after he got a knife and stab that guy (Keith) who had dared to say hi to her as she left when her shift ended. It was so obvious he was a villain who would have done vile things to her. Why else would a man other than the Marionette himself (even if one were to question how he could be called a man) unless they were the bad guy?_

_Lizzy was going to be his doll after all. He totally called dibs on her, and he was the hero._

_But back to Freddy and his panic attack…_

_"MY LOVELY BADONKADONK! I DON'T WAN'T A FAN UP MY BUTT!" Freddy screamed as Chica and Bonnie did everything they could to ease his mental suffering. Foxy went back to being a self-pitying prick and went on about how he hadn't bit Jeremy's frontal lobe out, Freddy wouldn't be in the state he was in now._

Ever since then, Freddy could not look at Lizzy without recalling what Lizzy did to him. He would scream, cry and have panic attacks constantly. The others have been trying to help him overcome his Lizzy-phobia. It was difficult seeing how even seeing badly done picture (by Bonnie, who later cried when Marionette berated him for the badness) set Freddy off in tears.

It definitely didn't help that Lizzy had found Freddy's pain funny, as well as his reaction to just her being present in the same room. She made sure to be right in his line of sight whenever she entered the pizzeria.

"Hi, Freddy~!" Lizzy chirped, giving a wide smile up towards Freddy. Said animatronic bear already started to cry when he saw the cruel blonde. Lizzy just laughed however. To her, this was the funniest thing. EVER!

"Man this is too damn easy," Lizzy laughed before walking towards the hallway for the bathroom. "Gotta use the girl's room before work, so see ya in a bit!"

Freddy was whimpering even a minute after Lizzy left the dining room. He just couldn't take this anymore. He had to get away from Lizzy. He just had to. But where was he safe? Lizzy could find them on those blasted cameras of hers and…

…

Freddy Fucking Fazbear just had the best idea since he came up with the idea of making a sci-fi version of 'Hamlet'.

Looking down at his nailed feet, Freddy gripped his left ankle and began tugging.

"Freddy, what are you doing?" Chica demanded, narrowing her eyes towards Freddy.

"I can't take this!" Freddy wailed. "I have to get to the one place I know I'll be safe from that horrible woman, and the only thing separating me from that is these damn nails!"

"Freddy… Are you…? Bonnie! I thought I told you not to give Freddy any of his drinks!"

"I didn't," Bonnie whimpered. "I-I only gave Freddy the coke he stored in that secret compartment in the Parts and Services room!" Chica furrowed her brows in confusion. Why would Freddy even have a need to…?

Just as Chica had pieced it all together, Freddy had managed to pull both of his feet free from the nails. They left a single hole each in both feet but in Freddy's opinion, holes in his feet was a price worth praying for his idea.

He jumped off stage and stumbled down towards the west hall, accidently (at least that's what it looked like) punching Foxy back into his cove as he walked by those curtains. In just a few moments, he made it inside the security office, just as Lizzy could be heard yelling,

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE MARILYN! THIS BATHROOM STALL'S OCCUPIED!"

Freddy giggled to himself as he picked up the tablet. The power was at 100%, and the main power source would soon be off and switched to the generator.

_Ding-dong, ding…_

'_Yaaa…_'

Oh, well speak of the Devil.

"Fucking dumbass," Lizzy muttered as she left the bathroom after shoving the Marionette down a toilet. Due to the Marionette's incredibly skinniness, only the bottom of his pointy legs were sticking out swinging frantically to and fro. Lizzy stretched her arms out as she walked down the east hall to get into her office.

_SLAM!_

Lizzy froze as the door slammed shut in her face. What the hell happened? Did BB get in her office and-.

"How do you like having the door shut in your face, you stupid bitch?" The hall light was turned on, and inside her office stood Freddy. He was casually pulled down the chest plate of his suit and pulled and pulled out a bottle of rum. "Not so nice, is it?"

"But… What the hell are you doing in my office, Delores?!" Lizzy demanded, glaring at the drunkard as he pulled the bottle cork out with his teeth and began chugging his alcohol.

"This is the only place I'm safe from you, you horrible person! You can't get me now!" Freddy laughed and chugged down more rum.

"… You only have so much power," Lizzy told him. "I can wait here until that power runs out. Then I'll make you wish I'll just rip another asshole and shove a fan up there." Freddy stopped his drinking and looked out at Lizzy. He hadn't thought of that. He may have just made the whole thing worse. Well, it was too late now. Freddy would just have to try and survive the night. Lizzy couldn't stay here forever. She had to sleep sometime and-.

"Wait, where are you going?" Freddy demanded when Lizzy began to walk away.

"You always play with me, so I'm playing with you now," Lizzy told him coldly. "And I'm getting the others to help too. You're all alone you drunk Care Bear."

"You damn whore!"

"At least when I die I won't be a virgin unlike the rest of you fucks! Especially the Virgin Mari!"

"PLEASE JUST ACCEPT MY LOVE!" was heard from the dining room as Lizzy stalked off. Freddy was shaking a bit. He was alone, and everyone would just try to-

"Hi!" BB said cheerfully, sticking his head out of the vent before Freddy grabbed the swivel chair and jammed it into the vent.

"GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE MY TWERKING SKILL!"

The rest of the night had been hell for Freddy. Lizzy hadn't been able to get all the animatronics to help. BB had been too upset that Freddy hit him to do so, and Foxy was crying and trying to act like the 'Bite of '87' was somehow related to this. Bonnie did try to get Freddy to open the doors, but being the shy bunny he was, he broke down into tears when Freddy yelled at him to go away. Chica had been more serious, threatening Freddy with a spanking of the not-fun-kind.

Freddy didn't know where the Marionette was, and Lizzy…

One moment, Lizzy would be on stage, staring up at the camera. The next she would be the game room with BB. For some reason she would be seen near the men's bathroom a couple of times and once or twice he heard her in the kitchen, cursing. It felt a little familiar, but he couldn't quite…

Wait, wasn't that his usual routine? Except with the ladies bathroom?

And why did he feel like he was forgetting…

…

Why did he hear, 'Pop Goes the Weasel'?

"BOO!"

Freddy screamed like a girl and turned around, just in time to be tackled to the floor by the Marionette.

"What the hell, man?!"

"You angered my love!" declared the Marionette, boldly. "I can't let this crime go unpunished! You must have the doors open, and pay for your crime!"

"For god's sake, you're a fucking puppet! If she dated you, it'd be like dating a male sex doll without the fake genitals!"

"I can wear a strap on if my love needs it!"

"Fuck you!" Freddy shoved the Marionette off of him with ease. "I'm the boss here, not you! I'm the best here! I'm what makes twerking great! I am the true origin of twerking! That Cyrus girl stole it from me!"

"Twerking originated from the sage grouse birds, actually," Chica informed them from behind the east hall window.

"Go the hell away!"

_Wrrr…_

The power went out. Freddy looked aaround in fear. How did that even-.

"Hello!"

"BB you little shit!"

"Don't call him that!" Chica shrieked as she came in through the now open doors and picked BB up so they could do more baking in the kitchen together. BB stuck his tongue out at Freddy as they left.

"Stupid little-."

"_Well it seems that the power has gone out._" Freddy froze. He heard Lizzy's voice, singing in tune to the Toreador March. He looked to the west door. Lizzy stood there, holding a flashlight under her face as she stared ominously at Freddy. The Marionette was silently giggling as he stood by the side-lines. Holding back his desire to gush over Lizzy (for the moment) as she continued to sing.

"_I bet you wish,_" Lizzy held up her baseball bat. "_You shut your mouth. So, I guess there is only one thing left, and that's for you to deep throat this bat. You had this coming bear. You should know that. As this is your pun-ish-ment!"_

Freddy was shaking as he looked at Lizzy. Why couldn't he move? Why did he feel so scared? Is this how guards felt whenever he stood at the door doing the same thing?

Maybe he should-.

But his thought was incomplete as Lizzy tackled him the ground and raised the bat high over his mouth.

"Open wide and deep throat the bat!" cackled Lizzy as she brought the bat down.

Hours later…

"Nearly got that bat out?" Lizzy asked the engineer as she sat in her chair, reading a magazine called, 'BAMF Weekly!' The engineer in question was trying to pull the baseball bat out of Freddy's throat, who was gagging, choking and flailing his arms like a mad man as oily tears of pain leaked down his face.

"Did you have to shove the bat down his throat?!"

"Yes."

* * *

><p><strong>Hopefully you will find this as funny as the first chapter. Or at least funny in general :3<strong>


	3. Holiday Time!

It was Christmas time at Freddy Fazbear's, and throughout the pizzeria there were Christmas decorations everywhere. Even the animatronics themselves were dressed for the season. Against their will. It had been Lizzy's idea for them to be dressed up, and the Manager accepted it with no moment of hesitation. It had been a fairly wonderful idea in his opinion.

Not so much for the animatronics.

Freddy didn't exactly mind being dressed up as Santa. In his mind, it gave him a very valid excuse to continue his drinking regardless of Chica's attempts to sober him up. He wasn't fond of the beard though since it itched like hell. Plus the red of the Santa suit and hat felt a bit TOO bright for his taste.

Chica was rather annoyed with having to wear antlers on top of her head and a glowing Rudolf nose over her beak. The nose felt uncomfortable and was too close to her eyes.

Bonnie was perhaps the happiest of the band members. He just had to wear a red jumper (or sweater as the Americans call it, though this author doesn't see how calling an article of clothing after a bodily fluid sounds appealing. But given that jumper would probably make most people think of the actual action of jumping, it was probably unfair to judge) with a smiling snowman on front along with white snowflakes.

Foxy was left in his Cove alone. Not even a decoration hung over the curtains of his domain, much to his depression. It's usually why he cried there during the holiday season, hoping to get sympathy.

This only worked with Bonnie, and maybe BB and on occasion. No one else gave two shits.

Speaking of BB, he was dressed as an elf in greed and red, with pointy shoes and hat that all had jingling bells on them. Even his balloon was red and green.

The Marionette was dressed in a similar manor, only he wore a green Santa hat.

And it is with the Marionette that this story begins. In the kitchen, baking cookies. He was humming 'I Can't Decide' by Scissor Sisters. Most would consider this a bit of a grim song to be humming given the season and his cookie making, but quite frankly the Marionette's intentions weren't as jolly as one would have expected.

"Marionette?" The puppet looked away from his mixing bowel to the doors to see Chica come in. Chica looked a bit surprised, having come inside to make hot chocolate for everyone in the pizzeria, including herself. Because robots can drink and eat, and it will not damage their circuits. Because inside each of them is a literal black hole that only absorbs foods and drinks, and acts as a stomach of sorts. Why their puke was oil was anyone's guess, but who wanted to solve that mystery? "What are you doing?"

"Making Christmas cookies of course," the Marionette responded casually, returning focus to the mixing bowel. "It is the season, isn't it?"

"Yes, but you don't usually cook," Chica pointed out as she began to go and make the hot chocolate. "Why now?" The Marionette gave a low, eerie chuckle, and already Chica mentally prepared himself for the worst.

"It's a bit of a funny story really. Originally, I had intended to make cookies for my lovely Lizbeth as a Christmas present. All with simple ingredients. The dough, chocolate, a hint of vanilla, an aphrodisiac I convinced a worker to buy for me-."

"You what?!"

"I'm sure Lizbeth would have loved them," the Marionette continued, unaware (or ignoring) the look of shock and/or disgust on Chica's face. "I even put some mistletoe in her office. But then… Sweeney-damn Phil went and got her a present. Some music CD's or something." The Marionette scoffed, clearly annoyed. "My gift was better, but Lizbeth loved his for some reason!

"To say I was upset is an understatement. But I think I know what to do to win my darling Lizbeth's affections."

"And… What is that?" Chica asked, wondering what the Marionette had in store for Lizzy.

The Marionette turned his head to look back at Chica. Even with the smile on his mask, the chicken could somehow tell that he was indeed smiling behind that mask. Why, with that Christmas themed apron on the Marionette (red with green trimmings, and a holly pattern), he seemed to almost ooze Christmas cheer.

"I need to cut Phil's penis off and put it on like a strap-on."

Chica choked on some air she had inhaled upon hearing the Marionette's words. Surely he was joking.

Right?

"Ex-excuse me?!" Chica asked in disbelief. "Why on earth would you… Would you do THAT for?!"

"I've thought it all through," the Marionette responded with a simple shrug of his shoulders. "Lizbeth is a human, and the only thing separating us is the genital part."

"That and you're not human!"

"And Phil is the only other thing separating me from my love. So, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I cut off Phil's penis, with the possible plus of causing him to bleed of blood loss, and I can give Lizbeth sex. There would be no way this could fail!" The Marionette gave a mad giggle as he went back to his mixing.

"Marionette, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Chica demanded. "You'll just make Lizzy more upset! And if that's your new plan to get Lizzy, why bother making cookies now?!"

"It's part of the plan," the Marionette explained joyfully. "I snuck around Mr. Davidson's office to look for these blue pills I saw him take before going to the bathroom, muttering about stress relief. I think they're sleeping pills. So I crushed some pills together into a fine dust and mixed it into this batter. I'm hoping it will make Phil fall asleep once he eats these during his shift, giving me plenty of time to come into his office and commence with the second phase of this operation."

"This is all twisted!"

"So are good creepypasta characters, but they still have fangirls who don't seem to realise they would murder them in real life."

"I…" Chica frowned, confused and unaware of the minor breaking of the fourth wall. "Fangirls? What are you-?"

"You know nothing of true love, so go away," the Marionette sniffed in a snooty manner. "I have much work to do!"

Chica sighed. There was no point arguing. The Marionette would probably fail anyway like in all of his previous attempts to woo Lizzy. The last attempt, which had involved paying a man to bring a panda baby to the pizzeria, as a gift for Lizzy, had ended up with the baby panda nearly eating the Marionette's leg in the mistake that it was bamboo. While the proper authorities did take him away to be brought back to his home country, the panda didn't face charges for nearly eating the Marionette since he was too cute. It was a bitter memory for the Marionette, which led him to disliking pandas.

Especially baby ones. Those cute faced fuckers.

Phil walked into Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, smiling brightly and cheerful. He wasn't quite sure why, but he felt very happy and in a splendid mood. He was also fairly oblivious that the Marionette was sticking his head out of the bathroom hallway and hissing at him as he made his way to the security office. It was Monday, so Lizzy didn't have to work here last night so he was happy to know that she was still alive.

Walking into his office, he was surprised to see a plate on his desk filled with Christmas cookies shaped like Christmas trees. There was a note on the plate as well.

'_MERRY HOLIDAYS! PRICK!_'

Of course, the last word was crossed out.

Phil looked at the plate in surprise. This was the first time anything like this ever happened to him. Usually, he just got a tape or two once a year that had the voice of his father recorded on them. Last time, he got the tape that recorded his dad's death.

Odd how he now got a plate of cookies. But they looked tasty, so why not take a bite.

Phil picked up a cookie and took a generous bite from it. It wasn't half bad really. There was a taste of something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but it wasn't really that important.

The Marionette meanwhile had retreated to his box of lonely bachelor-ness-dom. He giggled to himself manically. He was certain that Phil was eating his cookies, and as soon as those mystery pills kicked in, he would finish the entire plan. Lizzy would be with him, and see Phil as nothing but a dick-less loser! All thanks to those blue pills he found in Mr. Davidson's office!

What did the label say they were called again? Vi… Vi… Vi, something or other?

Phil regretted eating those cookies about fifteen minutes after the pizzeria opened at nine. Oh, how he regretted them. He was fairly certain they were the reason for the sudden… tightness, of his pants. Specifically around the crotch area.

Once he noticed it, the poor man couldn't bring himself to look at the security cameras. It just felt wrong, disturbing and just plain disgusting with the kids here. But he couldn't just sit in that office, and not try to make it go away. Jacking off in a room where he had access to cameras didn't feel any more comfortable, plus if anyone decided to come by, it would not look good.

The possibility of getting up and going to the men's room came to mind. Doing so by going through the dining room to get to the bathroom hall, or trying to be sneakier and sneaking out through the vent and going through the game room to the bathroom hall. But they both risked him being caught by adults who would be quick to make accusations, and going through the vent would possibly make it look worse.

He was just going to have to rest his hat on his lap to try and hide it for the time being. Then maybe-.

"Hey, Phil."

Phil yelped and quickly brought his hat to cover his lap and looked to his left. Surprisingly, Lizzy stood there. Looking mildly bored but raising an eyebrow.

"You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"S-sorry, I… What are you doing here? You don't usually come unless you're doing stuff to try and advance the storyline or work," Phil asked. Lizzy looked a bit confused by Phil's choice of words, but brushed it off.

"I know, but I only realised now that I left the drag I forced Freddy to wear while belly dancing and giving Foxy a lap dance. I kinda need to return it to the school I borrowed it from."

"Oh, are they expecting it back really soon."

"Technically, no," Lizzy responded with a shrug. "Just broke in there before my shift and took what I needed. I figured I may as well dump it back."

Phil was rather surprised by this. He knew Lizzy wasn't quite sane, but to speak so casually about breaking-and-entering and stealing…

"Anyway, I left the thing stuffed into one of the drawers," Lizzy continued as she walked into the office towards Phil's desk. I just need to get it."

"Oh, er… Sure." Phil pushed his feet against the ground to move the swivel chair away from the desk, expecting Lizzy to just open the drawer. But instead she looked at him with a small frown.

"Hey, you okay? You're usually more relaxed."

"I'm fine! Really! Just… I just have… uh…" Phil was trying to think fast. If Lizzy found out his problem, she might think he was a pervert and-

Lizzy just took his hat. And her eyes widened.

Phil went red and pulled his knees up to his chin, and pretty much acting like the boy who took the role of a girl of a yaoi couple. What was he going to do, what was-?

_SLAM!_

Phil snapped out of his thoughts and noticed Lizzy had shut the right door and was now shutting the left.

"Li-Lizzy?"

Lizzy looked back to Phil, throwing a small yet playful smirk as she took her short dirty blonde hair out of its ponytail.

"You must be pretty bored if you've had to think of dirty stuff to pass the time~."

"I… What?" Phil asked dumbly.

"I'm just going to go and say that you are pretty cute, and we get on together. So why not~? No one has to know, and we could work together~." Lizzy hummed as she walked over to Phil, licking her lips, hands reaching up to grab Phil's knees gently to move them down, but Phil immediately did it himself, a dumbfounded expression still on his face, but not exactly complaining about any of this. Especially when Lizzy got onto his lap.

"So, shall we Phil~? We are under that mistletoe up there~. I'm game, but if you're not, feel free to say so."

Phil wanted to thank whoever it was that made those cookies.

Meanwhile, the Marionette snuck out of his box. Now was the time. The time to keep Phil from ever becoming a major threat to the puppet wooing Lizzy. He had the knife in hand and the empty mayonnaise jar to put the castrated penis inside. Once back in his box, he'll commence the final stages of this operation. All the Marionette had to do was crawl through the vent, get into the office, castrate the fucker and get out.

The Marionette crawled through the vent. The knife handle was against the black of the puppet's mouth like a magnet on a fridge. Marionette's pride and ego swelling to such sizes it could only be beaten by winners of beauty pageants.

And he would know. He had entered a clown/pierrot themed pageant last year, and lost to Harley Quinn.

… What was that faint moaning sound? And that groaning?

The Marionette's curiousity rose and he crawled further into the vent, wanting to see the sources of these sounds. Was it an effect of the vi-something-or-other pill? Maybe. What else could be causing it?

Reaching the end of the vent, the Marionette peered into the office to see what Phil was doing.

…

If someone could have seen the Marionette's expression, they would have sworn they heard glass break.

"Ah, Phil…."

"Liz… God…"

The Marionette was frozen. He couldn't force himself to move. He wondered if he was in hell as he saw Lizzy on Phil's lap and… Oh, SWEENEY, the Marionette wished he could not remember this horrible, horrible memory.

Horrible for him.

Not so much for the fucking couple who had not noticed the heartbroken Marionette, even as he began to sob as he crawled backwards away from the exit.

The Marionette barely held it together as he made his few appearances during the day. Apart from his appearance to the children, he had spent most of the day curled up in a ball until all of the people left. Especially Phil the Prick.

"Oh, Sweeney, why?"

The Marionette was sitting at one of the tables that night, three empty ice-cream tubs (strawberry, vanilla and mint) in front of him, and one half full tub of chocolate ice-cream that the Marionette was currently drowning his sorrows in. As usual, the perpetual smile of his mask was there. Except with some ice-cream stain of the previously mentioned flavours smeared around mouth and cheeks.

He would sometimes forget his mask was there and lift it up enough to put ice-cream inside him. In a way, he was essentially lifting his face off in order to eat.

"Hmp! You had this coming you know," Chica scolded as she walked by.

"SHUT UP!" the Marionette wailed. "CAN'T YOU SEE MY HEART IS STILL BEING BROKEN INTO PIECES AFTER WHAT I WITNESSED?!"

"Don't give up hope lad!" The Marionette looked to his other side to see Foxy. Who was surprisingly happy looking, as well as covered in a string of Christmas lights. "I didn't expect anything at all this year! Ever since I bit that poor man, ALL those years ago and turned him into a vegetable."

"He's still alive, actually."

"Turned him into a vegetable," Foxy groaned loudly in an overly exaggerated and dramatic manner. "I thought I would never get to share in the Christmas joy at all! But Freddy came into me Cove and dressed me up! In lights no less! Wanting me to join all of ye in the festive spirit!"

Meanwhile…

"Bon-Bonnie…" Freddy slurred, as he looked into the currently empty Pirate's Cove. The Marionette and Foxy were facing away from said Cove and at the other side of the room so they didn't notice Freddy at said Cove, or Bonnie nervously approaching his leader.

"Y-yes, sir?"

"Where's that Christmas tree?" Freddy asked, pointing into the cove. "That skinny red tree that had its branches down its sides, very bare looking and overall very ugly. Also, he smelled like shit."

"Um…"

"I just put the lights on him, so he couldn't have gone far." Freddy hiccupped. "Do you… Do you think maybe the tree was magic?"

Back to the Marionette and Foxy…

"Maybe you're right," the Marionette mused, rubbing his chin in thought. "I can still win my darling back!"

"That's the spir-!"

"Get back here, tree-bastard!" Foxy was tackled to the ground by Freddy. "Get back to your spot! You're the Christmas tree, and I can't drink eggnog unless you're up!" Freddy sniffed, unknowingly covering the struggling Foxy's mouth. "You're always trying to ruin my Christmas by wandering off somewhere. Who's the whore you're cheating on us with! Is it the burger place down the road? Do you think you provide better decoration there?!"

"I got something from Lizzy!" BB chirped as he came into the room, holding an envelope. "I came into Lizzy's office, and she gave me this! Saying it was for all of us!"

While a few of the animatronics had looked up in some curiosity, the Marionette had snatched the envelope and practically ripped it to shreds to get to the contents. The Marionette felt hopeful. Even if it was meant for all the animatronics, surely he may be able to get at least a private message or something from Lizzy.

A card was inside the envelope.

Well, it was a folded sheet of paper. With a hand giving the middle finger drawn in black marker on front, with the middle finger topped with a little Santa hat and holly drawn on each corner of the card, as well as small circles which was probably meant to be snow.

The inside of the card wasn't much better. There was a message inside.

'_I won't wish you a "Merry Christmas", but have a shitty New Year!_'

* * *

><p><strong>I figured I may as well do a Christmas chapter while I still had the chance, so why not this? I think it was a bit better than the previous chapter.<strong>

**Anyway, happy holidays to everyone, have a good New Year and be safe and all that.**

**Hugs for all!**


	4. The Marionette's Quest for Love! Part 1

Balloon Boy was humming cheerfully as he handed another balloon to a happy child.

"There you go! And remember, Foxy said Freddy is an alcoholic who will send Satan after you if you in your beds if you don't buy my balloons~! All he has to do is say, 'hail Satan'!" The gullible child nodded, looking quite scared as he ran off. BB just giggled to himself before wandering around the game room, looking for more gullible children to scare into buying his balloons.

He noticed the Marionette's box and strolled over and knocked on it.

"Hey, Mari!"

"I thought I told you not to call me that since Lizbeth started calling me 'Virgin Mari'," grumbled the Marionette as he pushed the lid off. He held a pen and notebook in hand, and looked at BB very sternly.

"Are you making a list?"

"Well… Yes. A list of things that must be done in order to win my love!"

BB looked up at the list and squinted his eyes to get a good look at it, and curious about what the Marionette had written down.

The line he was reading from was partly covered by a finger, but BB could catch the word 'bondage'. He also saw things such as 'increase observations from afar', 'rip off shirt every five minutes', 'be in control', 'get rich quick'…

"Where exactly did you come up with those things?" asked BB, looking back to the Marionette.

"You see…"

_The Marionette was still desperate to win Lizzy over. He thought over numerous ideas, but he ended up throwing those wads of rolled up paper into the pizzeria's fireplace._

_Well, it was more that the Marionette threw the paper at a laptop while the screen saver was on that showed the image of a fireplace._

_But he had to think of a way to woo Lizzy and show her how much better he was than Phil the Prick._

_So as he sat in his box, he had searched online the laptop (which he had stolen from the Manager) and began searching for some books involving romance for advice and ideas. That's when he found some books that may help._

_"Hmm… This 'Twilight Saga' may be helpful," the Marionette mused as he looked it over. "It's sold a lot of copies, and has a movie series so it's bound to be useful." It was logical enough in the Marionette's mind. "I should look for some more stuff though." After adding the entire series to the cart on Amazon, he looked for more books._

_"'Fifty Shades of Grey'?" Marionette would have raised an eyebrow if he could. "It says here it's… Erotica? Does that mean… Sex?_

_"… I'll take them!"_

_So with a total of seven books in his cart, all he needed now was a visa card to pay for them. And he knew where to get one…_

_Mr. Davidson was in his office, playing some Sudoku in the paper when suddenly…_

_"AAAAAAAAA!" Mr. Davidson barely had time to look up before he was tackled out of his chair and onto the ground by the screeching Marionette._

_"Mr. Davidson!" the Marionette began, his masked face right in front of Mr. Davidson's naked face as he spoke in a tad bit dramatic way. "I need you to assist me in my quest of love and obtaining Lizbeth's heart!"_

_"… What?"_

_"You heard me!"_

_"… Okay?" Mr. Davidson nodded, though sounded uncertain. "What exactly do you need?"_

_"Pay for these books!" The Marionette pulled the laptop out of hammerspace and shoved it in Mr. Davidson's face._

_"… Isn't that my laptop?"_

_"Just pay for the books!"_

_Mr. Davidson frowned and looked at the screen. His eyebrows raised up as his mouth gapped._

_"You want me to pay for those?!"_

_"That is correct!"_

_"And what if I don't want to pay for them?"_

_The Marionette stood up, wishing he could scowl down at the bastard below him who was so far being no help. But alas, smiling was all that he knew. He wounded if this was what people who did botox felt like. But back to the matter at hand…_

_"I'll tell you why," he growled, raising one of his pointy, pointy legs. Poising it over Mr. Davidson and ready to stab it down. "I'll stab-kick you in the balls if you don't buy me 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades', bitch!"_

_"I'll go get my card!" Mr. Davidson squeaked and went to grab his coat. The Marionette chuckled and easily bent his leg up towards his mouth and kissed it._

_"You always get me want I want, Mr. Staby-leg. … Except Lizzy."_

_He had tried it with Lizzy in the early weeks he had known her. She just grabbed that leg and shoved it down his throat, and made him hop back to his box as he gagged._

_He tried it on Phil to get rid of him. Lizzy somehow appeared from nowhere and shoved the leg, and both his arms down his throat._

_She was so cute when she acted out like that._

_"Okay, they should be here by the end of the week," Mr. Davidson said as he looked up from the laptop._

_"Excellent!" the Marionette began giggling. Soon he would have the greatest and most popular love stories ever written in his incredibly pointy fingered hands._

"What's sex?" BB asked.

"It's…" The Marionette looked up, and saw a bunch of children who had heard Balloon Boy's question and were now looking at the Marionette in curiousity.

"… You want to know too?"

"Yes, Virigin Mari," said all the children in unison. Shocking the Marionette.

"Wha… Who told you about that name?!"

"A lady guard told us that was your nickname," one child said innocently.

"What's a virgin?" another one questioned.

"Well you see," the Marionette began, ignoring the last question. "Sex is when…. Why the hell should I tell you? Go ask your parents. Maybe ask to get 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. That should tell you what you need to know."

"Don't you need shirts?" BB then asked. "To rip off? You don't have any clothes."

The Marionette held a hand to his chin in thought. That was a flaw in the plan. But he quickly came up with a solution.

"I know what to do! But first I need to get rid of Phil's shirt so he cannot take it off and dazzle my Lizbeth!"

"Huh?"

The Marionette hopped out of his box, ignoring the cries of fright by some children as they saw this, and his legs. One ended up actually crying.

But he paid them no heed, and began strutting out of the game room in a manner similar to a boss. No one was going to be in his way.

Except the fangirls.

"Oh mai gawd!" one of the fangirls (that were crowded in the hall for no other reason than just cause) shrieked excitedly, jumping up and down along with the other girls. "It's Mari!"

"Puppet!"

"Oh god, he's cute!"

"I want to have finger puppet babies with you!"

But the Marionette gave zero fucks for them.

"Move, bitches!" He shoved them to the side, one of his fingers 'accidentally' piercing a girl's throat deep enough for her to start choking on blood. "None of you are worthy enough of my handsome body!"

The Marionette continued strutting through the pizzeria, making his way towards the security office. Unaware of the frightened customers he passed.

Phil had been busy talking to Lizzy (whom was now his girlfriend since Christmas), so had been unaware of the approaching doom. It was only when he paced the phone down that he noticed the Marionette standing in the doorway.

"Give me your shirt!"

"Wha-?"

"Shirt! Now!" The Marionette grabbed onto Phil's shirt and started to force it off.

"HEY!"

"TAKE OFF THE DAMN SHIRT, PHIL!" yelled the Marionette as Phil struggled against his creepy shirt removing, before both stumbled to the floor.

"Mommy," asked a little boy of seven to his thirty-something mother. Said mother looked at him with an adoring smile. They were both in the dining room, and the animatronics were singing on stage. Thankfully, Freddy was sober enough, but it was obvious that he was drunk to some degree. Or hung over.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can you buy me 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?"

"WHAT?!"

"The Marionette said it would explain sex. Do you think it would explain what a virgin was too?"

"I swear to god..."

"EVERY MAN TAKE THEIR SHIRT OFF!" The Marionette jumped out of the west hall, and onto the table of the mother and child. In one hand were the remains of Phil's shirt that he had managed to rip off before Phil threatened to call Lizzy. "EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM TAKE THEIR DAMN SHIRT OFF! EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GUY WHO JUST GOT BABY SICK ALL OVER HIM, AND THE ONE WITH THE HAWAIIN SHIRT!" The Marionette paused.

"Seriously, why are you wearing that?"

"Marionette, what the hell are you doing?" Freddy demanded, glaring darkly at the puppet man. "This is my audience. They are paying attention to me, and me alone!" He then broke into a series of hiccups.

"I'm doing what must be done!"

"Isn't it obvious what he wants?" a man with a deep, sexy voice and thick black beard spoke up, standing from his lone table. He looked up, and gave the appearance of being wise. "The animatronics want to make all humanity their sex slaves. Starting with the men to weaken their moral and pride, and then the women."

Everyone stared at the man. A few parents picked up their children and slowly left the restaurant.

"Ex… Excuse me?" the Marionette asked, not entirely sure he heard correctly.

"I've always been onto you bastards," the man continued, starting to unbutton his shirt. More parents started to leave with their children, or go hide in the game room. "Always. I've seen the way Foxy looks at my bum. I know that look in his eyes. How much he wants to violently plunder my booty."

Foxy peered out of his cove, giving a confused look.

"But I've never even-."

"How much he wants me to squeal." The man threw his shirt at Foxy's head, covering it.

"But you can never catch me off guard. Humanity will never be yours to do as you wish." He kicked off his shoes (one of which hit Freddy's head) and started unbuttoning his pants. Parents who hadn't gone with their children to the game room (as such, prevented from seeing this development) had all left, leaving only the people who actually worked at the pizzeria.

Phil had had seen people suddenly leaving on his camera, but didn't see the source of it so went to investigate. Walking into the dining room, shirtless, Phil stopped as he saw the current stripping going on.

"What's going...?" Mr. Davidson came in and stopped himself. Unable to say a word.

"I will however, sacrifice myself for the good of humanity."

"What are you-?"

"So take me!" The man interrupted Chica and ripped his boxers off with ease, and held his hands on his bare hips. No one in the room could say a word as the man stood naked in the room.

"I… I just wanted shirts so I could rip them off myself and dazzle the night guard with my handsomeness. Like that guy from Twilight," the Marionette said, feeling very awkward about all of this.

"Of course. That's your excuse," the man scoffed. "I'm not falling for that. Just take me! Take me and leave the world alone!"

"But-but we don't want the w-world," Bonnie stuttered out, just before the creepy bent himself over a table and presenting his ass to them.

"My body is ready, so take me now! Make me your little bitch! Make me your little bitch that will somehow get mpreg and carry your animatronic-animal-human baby hyrid! This is a sacrifice I make for the world!"

There was silence as everyone stared at Mr. Creepy. Marionette cleared his throat.

"Well… I'm just going to follow the advice I got from 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' and go watch Lizzy from afar and establish my dominance. I'll just steal some shirts on the way. I also need to pick up body glitter."

"That's stalking, and you already do it!" Chica told him sharply, happy to look away from the naked man. Even if just for a moment.

"It's observation!" Marionette insisted. "And I haven't broken into her home and watched her sleep yet, so there's still that to do. Seeya!"

Marionette got off the table and strutted towards the door while avoiding being close to the naked man still bent over the table.

"Come on, I can take it! Shove whatever you want in there!"

Freddy stared at the man, before grabbing Bonnie's guitar.

"He-hey, I don't want that to be going up-!"

"It's not going 'up'," was all Freddy said, before jumping down onto the floor and walking towards the man, who still acting like this was to save humanity.

"I can take it! You don't have to use lube! I'll just take it dry-!"

_SMASH!_

_SMASH!_

_SMASH!_

Freddy casually strolled back up onto the stage and handed the horrified looking Bonnie his now blood-stained guitar.

"Be-Betsy?" Bonnie spoke weakly, looking at his poor instrument as his eyes welled up with tears of oil. The strings were still intact, and there was only minor denting (the same could not be said for the current corpse lying on a broken table in the room), but the blood, bits of brain matter and skull was still enough to make him want to puke up oil.

"Ellen," Mr. Davidson casually called over to one of the horrified workers. "Go call the number of the clean-up crew, will you? The rest of you, tell the customers hiding in the game room that if they keep quiet, they can have free pizza for a month once we reopen after cleaning the corpse up. Phil, consider yourself on paid vacation until we've cleaned up. Tell Lizzy she's the same."

"I think that worked out quite well," Freddy said, opening his front up to take out a bottle of beer, taking the cap off with his teeth. "We've time off, so let's party when everyone is gone. And Chica…" He looked over to Chica and winked at her. "Feel free to let Freddy be your teddy~."

"I'll use one of the toys, thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>There was actually a suggestion given to me in the reviews of 'Third Time's the Charm?' that the Marionette should use Twilight as his inspiration to get Lizzy. I always kinda liked the idea, and I've finally put it down to words :) Second part will come. Eventually.<strong>


	5. The Marionette's Quest for Love! Part 2

Michael D. Pegmen had been casually strolling down the street, wearing a red shirt that was said to have been blessed by Ash Williams, died red in the blood of Candarian Demons that were brutally an awesomely slaughtered by both chainsaw and boomstick, their sweet screams of pain and agony that would have happily lulled the murderer of those kids in '87 to sleep. He was carrying bags that had various other shirts, in different colours and such.

Because this chapter needs development somewhere, the author employed this use of 'so-coincidental-it's-bullshit' and allowed (i.e, forced against his will in a playing god-like way) him to go down an alleyway that was quite clearly dangerous, dark and smoky.

"I love buying me some shirts stained in the blood of demons!" Michael randomly said as he walked through. Very. VERY. Loudly.

Because the author said so.

He was then stopped as he though he heard some running.

"Hello? Who's there?" the man shouted as he looked behind him, because this just became a horror movie cliché. Shouting out when you think you're being followed never does any good, you walking cadaver.

"Huh. Guess it was just my imagination," Michael shrugged and turned around, only to yell out in alarm as he looked at the figure in front of him.

It was just so… Stick limbed! And that face… What the fuck was with those purple lines coming down its face? Were they meant to be tears?

"Do you know who I am?" the inhuman figured questioned, purposely using a gruff voice.

"Those purple lines… Are you…?" Michael gulped and looked the puppet-like being in the eyes. "Are you a grape that's been cruelly stuffed into a costume meant for a bunch off sticks, and those purple lines are your blood that seeped out and symbolically look like tears?"

"What? No! I…"

He raised his arms out, and for the first time since seeing this thing, Michael saw many shirts hanging off his arms. All strung on his arms in such a way that they looked like very ugly looking wing.

"I, am the Marionette! Now…" the Marionette continued on in a more demonic-like tone. "Give me your shirts!"

The Marionette walked down the streets, as all of shirts he stole from men randomly in the streets hung over one arm. The hand of said arm was also clutching a bottle of body glitter. The sun was shining, and birds were singing. And soon the Marionette would be with Lizzy to get down and get 'jiggy' with it.

That was what people referred to it as, right? Ah, who cares?

"Now, all I have to do is find my darling Lizbeth's home," he said rather cheerfully to himself, only to stop his walk. Despite his 'observation from afar' on Lizzy, he had no clue where the hell she actually lived.

Curses! His plan was foiled! Unless…

He looked around and spotted a taxi.

"I see you~." The Marionette giggled and ran to the taxi, throwing the back door open and letting himself inside. He had to hunch his back since the taxi wasn't designed to accommodate living puppets of his height. He ignored the freaked out expression of the taxi driver as said man looked at him through the rear-view mirror.

"Go, taxi slave! My destiny awaits!" The Marionette cackled to himself.

"Wh-where to?" the taxi driver asked nervously. The Marionette stopped immediately, realising her forgot to give the address.

"Oh, right. Sorry. Lizzy Parker's apartment, please," the Marionette requested politely this time, knees pressed together and hands clasped on top of them. But the taxi driver could only stare back through the mirror.

"Um… Okay, but I meant the actual address. Like, a street or house number."

"I told you. She lives in an apartment."

"There's more than one apartment building in this town, sir."

"We'll have to go to all of them then, won't we?" huffed the Marionette, folding his arms.

"Do you have the money to pay the fare?" asked the taxi man, raising a brow.

"Money?! They don't pay me at the pizzeria! Apparently since I live there and don't need the same things you humans do, I don't need money! Greedy little-."

"Then you'll have to get out of the car, sir."

"No, you're taking me to my Lizbeth's apartment!"

"If you don't have the money, get out!"

"Bitch, I will stab-kick you if you don't do what I say," the Marionette said in a deadly coldness. Taxi man just scoffed.

"Yeah, right."

"That's it!"

With no remorse or regard for morality, the Marionette kicked one of his legs through the taxi man's seat. The poor man yelled out in pain and slumped over the wheel.

"Oh god, my back."

"Serves you right."

"I think you stab-kicked my spine!"

"As I intended."

"You paralysed me! I may never walk again! I can't dance at my wedding next week!"

"It's karma, bitch. For not taking me to my sweet doll," sneered the Marionette as he got out and slammed the door shut, and ignored the man's cries of pain. He hummed to himself and tapped his chin.

"I should probably start looking into every apartment until I find Lizbeth."

So the Marionette went on, to break into many an apartment. All in search of his 'love'. And he would do this by scaling buildings and just letting himself in. It wasn't breaking and entering. It was just entering without asking first.

Apartment number one…

"Hmm… I somehow don't think she lives here," the Marionette mused as he looked at the floral wallpaper that belonged to the seventies. There were also many cats walking about. "Maybe if I-."

"Who are you?!" Marionette looked to the door that led to this apartment's kitchen and saw a squinty eyed old lady holding a cane. "Is that you Wilfred?"

"Er…"

"Do you remember when we got married, Wilfred?" the old woman sighed. "Such a fun day we had. The wedding was beautiful, the reception was wonderful. I still remembered when we found that children's playground and set it on fire that night before we left for our honeymoon."

"What?!"

"And then we roasted the marshmallows over it, laughing as we imagined how much the children would be crying when they saw their precious playground in ashes and melted metal." The old lady chuckled, and the Marionette stepped back. "Then, there was our pre-honeymoon… 'exercise'~." The old woman wiggled her eyebrows towards the slightly grossed out Marionette. "Right in front of the playground as it burned sky high. You really enjoyed licking all of those melted marshmallows off of my clam, didn't you, Wilfred~. I remember when we woke up and heard those children crying."

The old woman chuckled, unaware of how ill the Marionette was. First that guy who stripped himself naked at the pizzeria, now this? Why did he have to continuously have to feel molested today?

"'Mommy, what happened?' 'Will I be able to swing again soon, daddy?' 'Mommy, why are those two people naked?'" the old lady mimicked the children whose minds she had scarred sixty years ago, looking quite happy as she did so.

"Oh, Sweeney…" the Marionette mumbled, looking quite ill despite his mask before he shouted, "I'm not Wilfred!"

"Oh? You're not?"

"No!" he exasperated. The old lady chuckled and threw her cane to the ground.

"Oh~. So you're finally here~."

"What? What are you on about?" asked the Marionette as he quickly backed away once more.

"My four pm gigolo of course~."

"No, not this crap again!"

But it was too late. With one tug of her blouse, the old lady's blouse, skirt, stockings and shoes flew off on either side of her, leaving her in bright yellow lingerie that was hardly left anything to the imagination.

"Remember, Stephanno. Wilfred will be back at eight, so I need you to do the North-South Bumper-Pumpkin before then~."

The Marionette gagged and backed away. He knew it wouldn't be easy to find Lizzy's apartment, but surely he shouldn't have to go through such horrors such as seeing old people in lingerie.

"I think I'll just take my leave."

Not wasting another second, the Marionette swan dived out the window. For the rest of his search, he would just knock on the door.

Apartment number thirty-three…

The Marionette knocked on the last door of the third apartment building he checked, and was hopeful that this was the one. The door opened with a creak and behind it was a man with a thick neck and equally thick black hair who was a wearing a simple white mask that had a mouth and eyes drawn on that both looked like they were on a frog. It looked like he was trying to cosplay Zacharie from the game 'OFF', except if Zacharie wore a white wife beater and loose pale jeans.

"Hello there~," said the man. His voice highly southern. The cliché sort type of southern you normally see in horror movies where they're portrayed as stupid but murderous psychopathic hillbillies who want to harm the poor, innocent city folk.

"My name's Emil~. What's yours~?"

"Um… I'm the Marionette…" he answered, his feeling of discomfort rising once more. "And I think I'll just be-."

"Are you a puppet~?"

"Well… Technically I suppose so. Honestly I'm not entirely sure what I am at times." He was only now starting to notice the breathing noises from the man. Was he breathing with his mouth open?

"This. Is the greatest day. EVER!" Emil said, before letting out a satisfied groan. "I've been waiting for my order for ages, and now a living puppet is here… Fuck, I'm lucky."

"I can't say I feel the same."

"Come inside, stranger~." Emil grabbed the Marionette's arms and dragged him inside the apartment. The Marionette was mentally cringing at having to be touched by the man, but once he saw the apartment itself…

He felt a good percentage of himself die.

There were puppets everywhere. Not just as the decorations stacked on shelves and strung up so they hung from the ceiling. Oh no. Emil took to level extreme.

All of his furniture was made out of puppets. And if not made from them, the puppets would be tapped so tightly around something that it would look like the object was made of puppets. The couch and armchair were puppets, the coffee table were puppets. The bookshelf was puppets as were the lampshades. Puppets were tied around the TV, as well as the fridge and counters, but all other bits of furniture were puppets.

Puppets. Everywhere. No escape from them. Not even in some of the provocative artwork of puppets, in the sexual kind.

"Welcome to my puppet-topia," Emil said, sounding rather proud of himself. "I've dedicated my entire life to puppets, ever since I was two."

"That's…" The Marionette couldn't even bring himself to lie. That wasn't nice. None of this was. It was horrifying!

"My entire life! Toys, arts, music, food, you name it! Anything to do with puppets, I studied and played with. If not, I brought puppets into it, damn it!" Emil grabbed an apple from a puppet head on the table that had the top of its head cut off. The apple itself was actually carved into the shape of a puppet-like face. After eating the apple in front of a disturbed Marionette, Emil went on.

"I've studied everything about puppets in college. I actually have two Masters and a P. H. D in regards to all my puppet studies. I've also tried to bring puppets into the media! Kids programmes, news, movies and all that kind of stuff. That and porn~."

The Marionette slowly backed away from Emil as he locked the door behind him.

"Now why don't you follow me, puppet~."

Emil grabbed the puppet's arm and dragged him down a hallway (just as puppet decorated as the rest of the apartment) and opened the door into his bedroom.

His entire bed was made from puppets, and the bed sheets were made from the hair normally used for puppets. The entire ceiling was covered in puppet head. All of them just staring down. The part of the actual ceiling itself could be seen among the many, many heads.

"Why does this keep happening to me today?" the Marionette wondered aloud. Why was he being constantly meeting these creepy people today? All he wanted to do was go find his love's apartment, woo her with everything he's found from 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' and finally have sex with her. Why did he have to see a man strip himself in the pizzeria, an old lady lingerie and now a man into puppet-philia! Why, just… WHY?!

Stupid life. Being an asshole like always.

"Now, why don't you make yourself comfortable while I make us some drinks~? This is a dream come true, and I can't waste it~."

The Marionette was pushed onto the bed and made to wait as Emil left to get them drinks. As soon as he was certain the deranged man was no in hearing distance, Marionette shot to his pointy legs and ran to the window.

Perhaps scaling up buildings again and knocking on windows would be best.

Apartment number fifty-seven…

The Marionette scaled up the building of his next apartment and seeing that people were home on his next window, he knocked on it first. It was answered a few seconds later by a man who styled his hair into two big bobs on either side of his hair, trying to go for a Micky Mouse-esque look. The weirdness would have ended there if he didn't have blood splattered over his face, or held a bloody knife in hand.

It probably didn't help that inside the song 'Stuck in the Middle with You' was playing, and in front of a white canvas inside that had blood smeared on it and pieces of fingers and actually paint splattered here and there, a man was tied up a gagged. One hand missing as well as an ear.

"Hey, how's it going?" Mr. crazy asked in a very casual manner. The man inside was trying to call for help.

"Oh, I'm looking for a beautiful woman whose angelic gutter mouth could put any sailor and Gordon Ramsey to shame, and make the sun want to cause a supernova already to eradicate all life. Her name's Lizbeth Parker."

"Sorry. Never heard of her."

The tied up man's eyes widened and he tried harder to speak.

"Just ignore him," Mr. crazy said, waving his knife around dismissively. "He's just being an ass who won't help me with my art."

"I don't know," Marionette said. "Maybe if you could ungag him for a moment, he might tell me where to find her. You can put it back then and go back and go back to your art."

"I guess. Okay, tell the living sentient puppet, that we're being so calm and not worried about what he wants to know, Sam." Mr. crazy ripped the gag out of Sam's mouth. He gasped for breath before crying out,

"I don't know the number, but she lives at the 'You-wish-this-was-like-Friends' apartment building!"

"I see," Marionette nodded. "Thank you, hapless victim of murder. For directing me, I shall aid you!"

The Marionette reached in and casually grabbed Mr. crazy by his shoulder and pulled him outside with him. Holding his arm out like a claw machine, the Marionette dropped the would-be killer and giggled happily at the scream and sound of body hitting pavement.

"Oh, thank you!" Sam cried out happily. "So you'll get me untied now and to a hospital, right?"

"Nope!" the Marionette said. "You're just being a greedy bitch now! Asking me to take you places and untie you. I already killed a man for you! Be happy!" The Marionette slammed the window shut and dropped down. Unlike the man he just murdered, Marionette survived the fall. In fact, he almost floated down the street quite gracefully. It could only have been more graceful had he been wearing a dress or skirt. Now, to find Lizbeth's weirdly named apartment building.

The Marionette looked down at the Mr. crazy pancake and without any regards for social ethics like the social contract, the Marionette casually moved his arms through all the guts and blood (just an average night for him before Lizbeth came along and pretty much everyone her bitch. Both animatronics and people) until he found his wallet and took out all of the cash inside. He giggled to himself and went off to find another taxi.

"Taxi slave!" The Marionette jumped in through the window of a taxi, startling the taxi driver inside.

"Woah! What the-?!"

"Take me to the 'You-wish-this-was-like-Friends' apartment building! Post haste!"

"But I'm on break-."

_Thud._

Hearing the soft thud, the taxi driver saw the Marionette swing one of his legs up to rest right by his head. The pointy end rather close to his face.

"Bitch, I don't think I need to tell you what will happen if you don't take me to my Lizbeth's home. Now," the Marionette told him in a cold voice.

"'You-wish-this-was-like-Friends' apartment building? You got it!" the poor man said quickly before starting the taxi up, and driving down the road. The Marionette slowly started to giggle before breaking into t loud cackle. He stuck his head out the window, continuing to cackle and ignoring or unaware of the looks given to him.

"I'm coming, Lizbeth~. You can't stop-OW!"

The Marionette had ended up with his face meeting a 'STOP' sign and clutched at his poor face.

"Oh, fuck my face!"

"That's what you get for trying to act like a dog," sneered the taxi driver.

"Don't MAKE me show you the joys of creation!"


	6. The Marionette's Quest for Love! Part 3

"… And then Freddy beat the naked man to death with Bonnie's guitar, and Mr. Davidson said he was bringing in the clean-up crew," Phil finished his story. When he came home from work after being able to leave early, he decided to call Lizzy and let her know they wouldn't have to work for a while.

Lizzy herself looked rather nonplussed, and still trying to fully understand what Phil had just told her.

"Let me see if I got this straight," Lizzy said slowly. "In short, the Virgin Mari decided to steal your shirt and basically the shirt of every male at Freddy's as part of some convoluted scheme to woo me. A fucked up weirdo undressed himself and tried to convince the animatronics to fuck him, all while claiming that he was doing it to 'save-the-world-from-animatronics-wanting-to-make-humans-their-fuck-toys'. Freddy then murdered him and before that, the Marionette left with the intentions of finding where I live. Is that about it?"

"That about sums it up, yes," Phil confirmed.

"… Do you ever feel that that place is just so fucked up that we should just leave it and never look back?"

"We can't do that, Liz. How is the main plot supposed to work if we're not there to suffer through it for the pleasure of sadistic readers and a possibly even more sadistic writer?"

"… What?" Lizzy stared at the phone in her hand briefly as though trying to show Phil the rather confused look on her face. "What the hell are you on about?"

Meanwhile, with our 'hero'…

The Marionette giggled to himself as they pulled in just outside of Lizzy's apartment. Barely able to contain his excitement at breaking into Lizzy's apartment and wooing her. 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' surely wouldn't let him down! They were popular after all! And they had movies! If it's such a popular book that it's made into a movie, then it must be good! And the movies would be as good as the book, if not, better than!

After all, whoever heard of a film based on a book that wasn't one hundred percent faithful and being terrible when compared to the book? Preposterous! Hollywood surely wouldn't let people down! It was a paradise!

Why else did they show it being so friendly in one that 'Simpson's' episode where a Radioactive Man movie was going to be shot in Springfield, but the producers had to return to Hollywood after Springfield took all their money in taxes. They even had 'Lean on Me' playing in the final scene, for Sweeney's sake!

"Here we are," the very much frightened and nervous taxi driver said. "That will be fifteen dollars."

"Take the change."

The Marionette had slapped his hands against the man's face to give him all the money from the man's corpse he robbed. Unfortunately, this also resulted in the deluded puppet stabbing the man with one of his fingers into one eye.

"AGHHHH! MY EYE!"

"Don't be a drama queen," the Marionette huffed before he jumped out through the taxi window. Because breaking through windows was more fun than opening doors like a normal, sane person.

The Marionette put his hands on his hips as he looked up at the apartment in pride. The screams of the taxi driver nothing more but a background sound now. The Marionette was just a few floors away from finding his Lizbeth's apartment. He would make his senpai notice him. His waifu would love him, and smack his fine ass.

"Damn straight!" the Marionette agreed with the narrator, and attempted to slap his own ass to add emphasis to how fine it was and that Lizzy would smack it.

"During sexual intercourse!"

But unfortunately, the Marionette had no ass.

"What?!" Marionette turned his head around in an exact 180 degree angle and looked down. Despite having hips, he truly did lack a butt.

"No! I'm ass-less!" the Marionette cried (acting a bit like Freddy in regards to his focus for his (in this case, lack of) rear end) for the non-existent ass that would never be groped by his Lizbeth. He sniffed and wiped away a tear from his permanently smiling face.

"I guess I have another reason for going after my Lizbeth now," he said to himself. "It will have to be her ass that is smacked and groped in place of my poor one that was never born."

And so, the Marionette took out the body glitter and dumped it in the middle of the road and rolled around in it like a pig in mud and shit, until he shined more than the sun's and a disco ball's love child after drinking Shine Wine one too many times. He then pulled on one of the shirts he had stolen. The blood stained one blessed by Bruce Campbell.

The Marionette walked back to the taxi and looked in the side mirror, ignoring the taxi man who was now in a whimpering state.

"I look so fine," the Marionette squealed in delight. "Thank you again, taxi slave."

"I… I need the hospital…"

"Hmp! No matter how polite I am to them, taxi slaves are so rude! Asking for a hospital," the Marionette huffed before looking back to the apartment in glee.

"I'm coming for you, Lizbeth~."

Back to Lizzy…

"So, what do you want to do since we don't have work for a while?" Lizzy asked Phil. She wasn't worried about the Marionette finding her apartment. What were the odds he would find a clue or conveniently met someone who knew?

"Do you want to come over to my place?" Lizzy offered as she sat down in her armchair.

"I'm not sure," Phil answered sheepishly as he looked at the time. "I'm supposed to be babysitting one of my neighbour's kids in twenty minutes, and they aren't supposed to be back until ten pm."

"What if I said I'm horny and have whip cream, chocolate and jelly in the fridge?" Lizzy was surprised to hear the sound of breaking glass. If she could see Phil now, she would have seen that he had just jumped out of his window, despite being on the sixth floor, and was now currently running."

"Give me at least an hour," said Phil in a rushed voice. "I have to do a quick errand." Phil hung up and ran towards the pharmacy, with the intention of buying some sleeping drugs to feed to the kids to knock them out long enough to make it to Lizzy's place and 'hang out' for at least two hours.

Phil had his priorities straight.

Lizzy smiled as she put her phone away, looking quite pleased.

Back to Mari!

Marionette once again climbed up the building, like it was a completely normal everyday thing. But he only crawled up to the first floor and knocked on the window. Surprisingly politely. It took several seconds, but eventually the window was opened by a shirtless man who looked like he had been crying for several hours.

"C-can I help you?"

"Um, are you okay?"

"Not really," the shirtless man sniffed. "I'm having a hard time with my wife recently. Mind coming in for a moment so we can talk? I'll help you out with your problem afterwards, I promise."

"Alright," the Marionette agreed, albeit reluctantly. The shirtless man stepped aside and allowed the Marionette in and directed him towards the armchair to sit in while he went to lie in a ball on the couch.

"So, what's the problem exactly?" Marionette asked, not bothering to hide that he was already bored with this conversation.

"My wife keeps calling out different names when I make love to her," the man sniffed. "First it was Samson. I wanted to let that pass since I figured my wife was just close to him. But then she moved onto Julius. Then Andrew, and recently Penny! Sometimes she calls out more than one of their names!"

"Um… I'm sorry to hear that," the Marionette said awkwardly as he glanced around. His eyes stopped on a picture of a… woman (to use the word loosely) that looked like the love child of two other love children. The love child of Leather Face and Jabba the Hutt, and the love child of a member of the Slitheen family and Frankenstein's Monster.

"Who's…?"

"My wife, Janice," the shirtless man answered when the Marionette pointed to the photo. "Gorgeous, isn't she? It's not hard to see why no one can keep their paws off her."

"Er…"

"But I don't know why she keeps calling out their names," the man whimpered. "Every time when I finally make her cum, she calls out the pets' names!"

The Marionette looked at him for a moment, not certain he heard correctly. Feeling a bit daring though, the Marionette pressed on.

"The… pets'?"

"I know," the man moaned. "It started off with our cat, Samson. Then our other cat Julius, then our dog Andrew and now our parakeet Penny! I think my wife wants to fuck our pets!"

"… I'm out," the Marionette said simply as he stood up. "Just tell me where to find Lizbeth Parker, peasant."

"But I need help!"

"And I couldn't care any less about you or the fact your heavily deformed wife may be into bestiality," the Marionette scoffed. "The difference between our wants is that there is nothing messed up about my future girlfriend-slash-fiancée-slash-wife. Now tell me what I want or I'll stab kick you in the eye."

"Well, there's a Lizzy Parker on the fifth floor in number thirteen, but-."

"Perfect!" the Marionette made his way back to the window. "I'll be on my way, you sad, pathetic piece of worm faeces. If you ever see me again, don't bother coming near me."

The poor shirtless man stared at the window with a rather forlorn look as the Marionette crawled out of his apartment. He sighed and looked at his list of things to do today. Burning the bed was at the top of it.

The Marionette continued to climb up the building until he reached the fifth floor and looked in through the window. Just in time to see Lizzy go into her bedroom. The Marionette sniggered to himself and messed with the window lock a bit until he managed to force it open and let himself inside.

"I'm in~."

Lizzy meanwhile was just looking through her underwear drawer, trying to pick which pair of undies would appeal to Phil the most today. She had just decided on a pair and turned around when she noticed the Marionette behind her.

Naturally, Lizzy yelled out and punched him in his masked face.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Lizzy demanded as the Marionette rubbed his mask. Most would be terrified and run away while they still could. Most would possibly be scared.

The Marionette fit into neither category and was not put off. Even if his mask was slightly cracked now.

"I'm here for you of course, love~." The Marionette grasped Lizzy's arms. "Starting with this!"

"Let go of-!"

But the Marionette paid no attention to Lizzy's demanded and threw her towards her bed. Purposely aiming at the wall to hit her head.

"OW!" Lizzy yelled, and rubbed her poor head before looking up to the wall and scowled as she saw the crack in it. Someone was going to pay for the repair, and like hell was she going to pay!

"Not put this over…"

Lizzy was pushed down on her bed and the sheets were pulled over her and tucked in. The Marionette merrily pulled a chair over and sat in it with his knees up and hunched back as he looked at Lizzy.

Basically, he was trying to imitate L from 'Death Note' in the way he sat. Only difference is that L didn't make look as weird as the way Marionette was doing it.

Lizzy looked at the Marionette as he stared at her. The expression on her face was clearly saying, 'what the hell?' as the exact minute of silence went on. And an uncomfortable minute at that, if Lizzy was to be honest.

"… Shhhhhh," the Marionette suddenly said (even though Lizzy hadn't even bothered to open her mouth) and gently closed Lizzy's eyelids with his fingers. "Go to sleep love, so I may watch you sleep."

"… Excuse me?" Lizzy opened her eyes again. "What?"

"Women love it when men watch them sleep," Marionette said cheerfully. Lizzy stared at him before saying,

"Maybe there's no problems with it if they are in a relationship, know each other well enough and the watcher only does it until they fall asleep. Otherwise, that's just creepy."

"Don't be ridiculous," the Marionette scoffed. "Why else would Bella have gone with Edward?"

"… You've read fucking 'Twilight'?" Lizzy choked as she gave an aghast expression. "Why?"

"It's popular, that's why. Now fall asleep so I can watch you sleep."

Lizzy's eyes glanced to the side momentarily before she threw the sheets off and sat up. Shoving a hand in the Marionette's face.

"I don't know how you found this place, but like hell am I going to let you stay. Now get out. Phil's coming over, and I have to get ready."

"NO!" The Marionette grabbed Lizzy's hands. "I forbid you to see Phil the prick!"

"Don't call him that!" Lizzy told him harshly. "Who the hell are you to tell me who I can or can't see?!"

"That's what Edward Cullen does, and Christian Grey!"

"… Fifty Shades' as well?" Lizzy looked close to be physically sick. It was only her unlimited wrath fuelled power and strength that was keeping her going. "Well both of those bastards are… Well, bastards. Bastards that no sane person would want to date since they are horrible people!"

"Oh, sweet Lizzy," the Marionette chuckled. "If they were truly horrible people, why do they have so many fans?"

"Because they're able to manipulate certain readers as well as their victim 'lovers' into believing they are the perfect man, and making them believe men are only perfect if they're rich, supposedly good looking and try to control their lives!"

"Allow me to dazzle you!"

"… What?!"

"Hold this!" Marionette shoved a turned on flashlight and quickly stood at the foot of the bed, in front of the light and ripped the shirt he was wearing right open. The body glitter on him lit up so much it was like a small part of his body was a glow stick.

"Don't I dazzle you~?"

"No, but you're making me want to puke right now."

"… What if I stole a car to drive around at high speeds with you?" the Marionette suggested, starting to feel desperate.

Lizzy just chucked the flashlight at his head.

"Nope!" Lizzy got herself out of the bed. "Now get out of my apartment, right now or I swear to god I am going to-."

The Marionette grabbed a hairbrush from the dresser and threw it at Lizzy's ankle.

"Hey! What was that for you masked bastard?" Demanded Lizzy. Glaring as she rubbed her hit ankle.

"I was trying to make you trip so that I could catch you," the Marionette explained simply. "You're not clumsy like Anastasia or Bella, so making you trip is the next best thing."

"I'm also not a naïve moron who's dependent on a man and goes with the, 'men-know-best' motif'," Lizzy sneered and walked past the puppet. "Now get the fuck out of here. I have to get ready for Phil-."

The Marionette of course was being stubborn as a blood stain in your shirt that just won't come out, leaving you with the only option of burning it or risk the murder being traced back to you. So he picked up a lamp and threw it at Lizzy's head, and immediately dived towards her and tackled her to the floor just as the lamp was about to hit her head and instead hit into the wall.

"What the hell man?!" Lizzy demanded as she turned over onto her back and glared darkly at the Marionette above her who was smiling on the inside as much as his mask smiled for him.

"The lamp came alive and tried to attack you!" the Marionette declared. "I saved your life! Ergo, we will marry in the future!"

"… Get. Out," Lizzy repeated herself for the umpteenth time in a cold voice. "Get off of me. Now."

Reluctantly, the Marionette sat up. Allowing Lizzy to stand up.

"Now this is your final waning," Lizzy said as she began walking towards the fridge. "Get out of here, or I am going to-."

_SMACK!_

Lizzy stopped. The Marionette was quite pleased as he lowered his hand after smacking Lizzy's ass. He did plan to smack it to begin with since he lacked one.

But then there was the silence. He wasn't too bothered at first, but the lack of yelling or screeching slowly made the Marionette wonder if her hit Lizzy's butt too hard and accidently stunned her.

_CRACK!_

Lizzy turned her head back to look at him, her neck emitting a crack as she did so. She stared at the Marionette with no definite expression on her face. The Marionette did begin to wonder if perhaps he took it a step too far (which he would later decide that he didn't) before Lizzy's hand shot out and grabbed him by his throat.

The Marionette gagged as Lizzy calmly walked to her bathroom and pulled the toilet seat up.

"You had your warning," Lizzy told him before shoving him head first into the bowel before she grabbed his kicking leg and started shoving him down.

The Marionette of course struggled, but no one is a match for Lizzy's wrath filled strength. No one.

"Stop struggling, and get down there so I can flush you!" Lizzy growled as she pushed him down and down.

_Knock, knock._

"Hey, Liz?" Phil's voice could be heard from the front door. Lizzy paused but kept a hold of the Marionette's legs. "I'm here."

"Just a minute~," Lizzy said sweetly before giving two final pushes on the Marionette's legs and pressed down on the toilet handle. A few times because the Marionette's head was stuck, but the force of the water won out and he was sent down the toilet line. His legs were frantically kicking in the air before they followed the rest of his body to their one destination.

The sewer.

Lizzy smiled to herself and began to take off her top as she made her way to her front door, ready to greet Phil.

"Sweeney, damn it," Marionette cursed as he stood up in the sewer water he was currently in. "This is all Phil's fault, I just know it!" He sounded quite bitter and annoyed. But since there was nothing he could do now, he walked off into the sewer to find the right pipe that led to the bathroom of the pizzeria.

It wasn't too hard to find. There were human bones right outside the pipeline from the pizzeria. That was how they disposed the bodies of dead night guards after all. Cut the body into small pieces and flush it down the toilet. Like with a dead gold fish but bigger and bloodier.

Speaking of bloodier, a flush was heard and water flowed out of the pipe. Said water started to look red, and the head of the creepy naked man flew out and hit the wall of the sewer.

"Well this is definitely the right place." The Marionette then proceeded to climb into the pipe before they could flush anything else inside of it.

Inside the pizzeria girl's bathroom, the two men in charge of getting rid of the bodies and cleaning the place clean of DNA were hacking away at the creepy naked man's remains after flushing his head down the potty.

"None of this feels very ethical," Cleaner No. 2 said as his boss (Cleaner No. 1) was sawing away at an arm. Singing 'Whistle While You Work' from Disney's 'Snow White'. But Cleaner No. 2's comment made him stop and he glared at the younger worker.

"Who cares about ethics? If they did, this place wouldn't be around right now. Besides, we're being paid a crap ton of money for this job so shut up and start cutting those legs off!"

_Splash…_

The light splashing sound gained the two cleaners attention and they looked to their right towards the toilet they were using to dispose of the body. Stepping out of the toilet bowel was the very wet and happy looking Marionette. Of course, that was just his mask. In reality, he was quite miserable.

"Damn… I didn't think I would ever get out of there," Marionette muttered as he stepped out of the stall, only to pause as he looked to the two shocked cleaners. They stared at each other as he dripped toilet water, but the Marionette eventually broke the silence.

"S'up."

Screaming of terror was the next thing to happen.

Both the cleaners (not expecting a living puppet to crawl out of the toilet) ran out of the girl's room and fled the pizzeria.

The grumbling Marionette soon walked out. The one time he left the pizzeria, and every possible weird ass shit kept happening to him.

But at least it was over now.

"So how'd it go?"

The Marionette looked to see the heads of Bonnie, Chica, Freddy (the one who spoke) and Fox (who was wrapped in bandages) peeking out of the archway leading to the dining room while Balloon Boy's head peaked out of the game room door. The Marionette inwardly cringed.

"I… I'd rather not talk about it."

"Don't wor-worry." Freddy paused to sip from a straw inside a bottle of vodka. "At least with Lizzy saying no to you, you'll forever have low expectations of getting a date."

"Oh, and you're better?" Marionette sneered. Freddy laughed and nodded his head.

"Of course, stupid. Watch."

Freddy stood up quickly, forcing Foxy to fall on his back. The animatronic whimpered and curled into a ball. He was still sore from the beating Freddy gave him. Freddy heard Balloon Boy tell a child that if they didn't buy one of his balloons, that Freddy would send Satan after them. In reality, in was a cruel business tactic on BB's part to sell more balloons, but Freddy didn't know that. He believed Foxy was trying to discredit him, like everyone who was saying he was an alcoholic. So, he beat up Foxy without any consideration of asking questions.

Asking questions was for pussies.

Freddy looked to Chica and tugged her up, only to sit her down on Bonnie's back and knelt down in front of her. After a brief hiccup, Freddy said,

"Your eyes are more purple than grapes. Would you like to share?" Freddy held up the vodka bottle to Chica.

"No thanks. I'd rather not put my beak where your mouth has been," Chica said simply. Freddy sniffed and wiped away a big, black, oily tear coming down from his right eye.

"Why must you shove away my love?"

"Ca-can I get up now?" Bonnie asked as his arms shook.

"No, shut up!" Freddy snapped. "Stop being selfish!"

"Bu-but you're the one-."

"Shut up!"

"I'm… I'm going back to my box," Marionette muttered as he left the bathroom hallway and into the game room.

At least he had 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades' waiting for him there. He could easily replace the names of the two pairs of lovers with his name and Lizzy's.

* * *

><p><strong>And so the 'Marionette's Quest for Love' saga concludes! Stay tuned, for we have many stories ahead (eventually), such as Lizzy bashing a Mary Sue, and Foxy's interpretation of what happened in The Bite of '87!<strong>


	7. How Did the Bite Go Again?

"I can't believe all of that happened because the Marionette read 'Twilight' and 'Fifty Shades of Grey'," Chica mumbled as she sat on the edge of the stage. It was night time. Several hours since the Marionette returned from his failed quest and he was currently having a bubble bath in his private bathroom. The private bathroom he ordered Mr. Davidson to give him or the Marionette would put his supper sharp wires around the Manager's festivals.

"Y-yeah…" Bonnie sniffed as he tried to clean his guitar. There were grey stains down his cheeks from the crying he did for his beloved guitar, Betsy.

"Well I saved the day, so there's no need to fear for anything," Freddy said, walking up on stage. Holding a beer in one hand and the remaining five unopened ones in the other. "And we have a couple days off, so that's good."

"It's definitely not the worst thing that's ever happened!" Foxy slid in and held a hand to his forehead. "Why… I remember when that dreadful day oh so many years ago happened…"

_As Foxy remembers it, everything in Parts and Services was very bright, cheery and had sparkles everywhere like in a Japanese anime. The background was even a pale shade of pink for some reason. The frame edge of this scene was also decorated in roses, unicorns and rainbows. Also the song, 'Princess Kenny' could be heard in the background._

_Foxy stood in one corner, looking very happy as did the other animatronics, and Bonnie had a page stuck on his face with a big happy face drawn on it that in emoticon speak would be a colon followed by a capital D. The all had flower crowns on their heads and in Freddy's hand was a bottle of milk._

_"I'm ever so happy with all my friends, even if we have been replaced!" Foxy squealed giddily._

_"So am I, Foxy-kun!" Freddy agreed, just as giddy. "And you're still the best out of all of us, in both looks and talent! Even lover if you were human!"_

_"You're definitely the best looking animatronic!" Chica giggled._

_"Myeah!" Bonnie agreed, only able to speak in a barely understandable language due to his missing face. "Eben en eye ad mi fas u ver bedder lookin'!"_

_"Aw, you guys!" Foxy clapped his hook and hand together._

_Suddenly, the door opened and a little boy walked in with green eyes that were big, even by anime standards._

_"Oh look! I found the legendary original animatronics!" he said, sounding very high pitched. Even for a boy of his age which may have been six or seven. "This is the happiest moment of my life! Even more since it's my birthday!"_

_"Well happy birthday, unnamed lad!" Foxy exclaimed joyfully. "How about you play with us and have many an adventure! We can play Peter Pan, Aladdin and Sleeping Beauty!"_

_"I van ta be Sleepin' Beauti!" Bonnie was jumping up and down in excitement. "Pwease say yes!"_

_"Hello?" a new voice emitted from the doorway, and a man who looked even more girly than Toy Bonnie came inside. He had large blue eyes (larger than Unnamed boy's), blonde hair that was clearly curled by curlers and had extremely (and unnaturally) long eyelashes. "Little unnamed boy, you're not meant to be in here."_

_"It's no problem, Jeremy," Foxy told him happily. "We were just going to go on adventures!"_

_"Well that's fun and all," said Jeremy, walking foreword. Swaying his hips to and fro, like a ho. "But this little guy's parents want him back."_

_"I want to hug Foxy!" the little boy randomly shouted. "Can I?"_

_"Oh, alright," Jeremy agreed, standing behind the little unnamed boy. "But be quick though."_

_"Alrighty then," Foxy agreed, grinning down at the boy. "What be your name, lad?"_

_"I don't have a name," the boy said simply. "I don't have much of a role other than having a minor part in this moment, so the author didn't see a reason to name me unless she changes her mind." Foxy frowned briefly in confusion. Not understanding what the boy was on about._

_"Oh. Well, alright. Anyway, here's that hug!"_

_Foxy grinned and threw his head back as he leaned back before swiftly leaning down to hug the little boy._

_Unfortunately, Jeremy was still behind him so when Foxy moved forward, his top row of teeth caught Jeremy's skull._

_It was all in slow motion. Jeremy eventually fell down from Foxy's teeth of doom. He fell to the floor, and rolled around a bit like Draco from 'A Very Potter Musical', not stopping until he found the best position he wanted to be found dead/near-dead in. On his back. One leg down, the other's knee bent upwards. Left arm resting above his head while the back of his right hand rested on his forehead. Oh, and blood was pooling around his head if that's important._

_The pink background then vanished completely as everything returned to normal speed. The music screeched to a halt._

_The little unnamed boy reacted first, by screaming so loud that not only was all the glass in the pizzeria broken. But all the glass in town, and the next town over. Then, he began sobbing and tearing so hard, that in a matter of seconds there was a small flood of water in the room. So much water that if it went any higher, it probably would have drowned Jeremy as he laid on the floor dramatically, and half dead. Then, the boy looked up at Foxy. Literally waterfalls of tears were still coming out of his eyes._

_"Foxy you fuck fruit! Why did you murder Jeremy?!"_

_"Foxy-chan, you selfish monster!" Freddy exclaimed, quickly picking up a marker to add a greater-than sign in front of the colon on Bonnie's sheet face, to show Bonnie was just as angry as the others. Bonnie was so angry, he was shaking his lone fist at Foxy. "Because you bit that one guy, I'm going to start drinking alcohol!"_

_Doing it in slow motion and ever so over dramatically, Freddy smashed the milk bottle on the floor mixing the milk in with the tears that were still there._

_"Now where's the nearest bar?" demanded Freddy, hands on his hips before he stomped outside, slamming the door behind him._

_Foxy was whimpering, his visible eye looking watery as oil began to leak out. Blood dripped from his teeth and onto the water._

_"I didn't mean to-."_

_"Foxy, you've fucked us all over!" Chica wailed, before dramatically fainting onto the floor with both a splash and a crash._

_The little boy ran to the door and threw it open, releasing the water into the room outside. Even though this was the pizzeria in '87 and as such the Parts and Services room would not be near the dining room, it became magic for this moment and actually opened into the aforementioned room._

_Currently, everyone was staring at Freddy as he grabbed some beer cans from a naughty daddy and started chugging them with no shame._

_"Everyone! That monster, the old Foxy, killed Jeremy the Handsome!"_

_"Little unnamed!" both his parents cried, fearing for the life of their child that would never have a name. Somehow, everyone in the town was fitting into that room, and were just as shocked and horrified._

_"That monster murdered Jeremy the Handsome?!"_

_"That fucker!"_

_"Kill him!"_

_"Have him drawn, quartered and hanged!"_

_"I think it's hanged, drawn and quartered!"_

_"Who cares, let's chase and kill him!"_

_"Get the torches!"_

_"Be overboard in cruelness towards the fox!"_

_"Bring him to a prison shower and make him drop the soap!"_

_Suddenly the entire town was wielding torches, forks, ropes, spears and bars of soap. Even the Marionette and BB were a part of the mob. Marionette was armed with dolls to throw at him, and Balloon Boy was simply holding a sign that read 'I hate Foxy!'_

_"Oh no…" Foxy whimpered before he sprinted out of the room and outside for his life as everyone chased after him. Chanting curses, saying how they would send him to someone who specialised in taxidermy or to extremely creepy furries._

_There were signs, wanted posters, TV ads, blimp messages, you name it! All of which had one goal. To hunt down Foxy and make him pay. Because what Foxy did was worse than every war and crime there ever has been in humanity since the big bang._

_There was no hope for Foxy. He was a lone fox now in this cruel, cruel world. No one would be looking out for him._

_Instead, he would have to work hard to regain his honour. Like Zuko from 'Avatar'. And the only way he could regain that lost honour was by going to join the war in Vietnam. He would go there and fight, and become the first animatronic war hero to ever live. He would wear black leather clothes they were cool and hip with the kids these days. The entire thing will be like a bunch of war films set at least in Asian countries. Foxy would also need to help the 2014 Godzilla fight some MUTO's._

"Foxy, what the heck are you on about?" Chica interrupted, looking rather annoyed. "The Vietnam war ended twelve years before the bite!"

"It did?" Foxy blinked. "Well… That's still how I remembered the bite!" he insisted. Chica scoffed.

"No, Foxy. That isn't how it happened."

"Of course," Freddy agreed as he nodded. "What really happened was this."

_As Freddy recalled, Parts and Services in 1987 had a warm fireplace for him to sit by in his satin armchair, with his feet up on Bonnie's back because he was his three legged footstool. Freddy also wore a big ass monocle over one eye and a comfortable red dressing gown as he read the Daily Pizza newspaper. The best pizzeria newspaper since first established in 1908. There was also classical music playing in the background._

_"Chica, dear?" Freddy called as he changed pages. He was speaking in a posh 'I'm-better-than-you-because-I'm-rich' accent. "Could you bring me my Monday Specials?"_

_"A barcardi Coke, an Irish coffee with extra whisky and rum cake with a near lethal dose of rum?" asked Chica, standing by a counter in one corner of the room, dressed in a maid uniform. French style._

_"You know me well, dear," Freddy chuckled. Chica nodded and looked to a hunched over snarling and bitter Foxy who was dressed in rags._

_"Coming right up," Foxy sneered. In seconds, he slammed the cake and two drinks on a tray and balanced it on Chica's outstretched arms. Chica then brought it over to Freddy. Spotting them, he grinned delightfully and casually threw his paper into the fireplace before grabbing the entire rum cake and shoving it into his greedy mouth._

_Like a gentleman of course._

_"This… good…" Freddy managed to say as his mouth was stuffed, and chocolate smeared over his mouth. He then grabbed both glasses and drank them down._

_"Is that all, Freddy?" Chica asked, batting her eye lids._

_"If you could give me a massage that would be appreciated. Now. Vibrate footstool."_

_Bonnie did his best vibration noise as he shuck his body for Freddy. Chica however frowned._

_"But… I don't have hands. They were ripped off for the Toy Chica suit."_

_"… Oh."_

_Suddenly, the door opened and an orphan boy who looked like he came straight from 'Great Expectations' entered_

_"Oh, blimey! It's a bunch of ripped up 'ol robots!" the little cockney speaking said cheerfully. "I knew I was getting a teacher, but robots… Jus' brilliant, gov'ner!"_

_"Come, come, little boy." Freddy gestured to him to come inside. "You must be the lad who requested lessons on how to be an eloquent gentleman."_

_"That I am, sir!"_

_"Good, good. Now, the first rule of being a gentleman is that a student must always give his teacher a massage when he asks. So come over and rub my shoulders."_

_"Oh… Er, alright." The little British sounding boy was confused but obeyed and got behind Freddy's chair and got on his tippy-toes to rub Freddy's shoulders._

_"Good boy, good," Freddy sighed. "Second lesson. Throw whatever you like into the fireplace. Example..." Freddy threw the two glasses he had finished drinking from into the fireplace. Some of the alcohol inside them making the fire blaze a little stronger than before._

_"Isn't that a bit dangerous, sir?"_

_"Not at all! Gentleman like us face no consequence after all. Unlike Foxy," Freddy laughed. Foxy however glared at Freddy._

_"Unlike him, we're not uncouth morons who shall never achieve anything in life. We have potential and stardom. While he'll just rot away like the cum-bucket he is."_

_"What's a cum-bucket?"_

_"Never you mind, child."_

_Foxy was starting to grit his pointy fox teeth now as he started to feel really, REALLY pissed off._

_"Soooo… Can I has your autograph, sir?"_

_"Of course lad! Who wouldn't want my autograph? Unlike Foxy, I actually passed my kindergarten spelling test. HE spelled 'are' wrong, of all words."_

_"ALL PIRATES KNOW HOW TO SPELL THAT WORD!" Foxy snapped, banging his fists on the counter in rage. "A-R-G-H! WE PIRATES KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT! WE SAY IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!" Freddy however just chuckled and shook his head. He didn't bother looking back at the enraged fox. Why should he? _

_He was Freddy Fucking Fazbear._

_"I think you'll find it's spelled A-R. There's nothing after the 'R', nitwit."_

_"Um, Freddy, there's actually a-." Freddy cut Chica offered and clamped her forever open beak shut._

_"Shush, shush, shush. There will time for talking later when you give me that lap dance later."_

_"Stop ignoring me, you bastard bear!" Foxy yelled. He jumped onto the counter and frog jumped out towards Freddy's armchair with the intention of biting Freddy's head from behind._

_Just as Foxy yelled however, the blonde and blue eyed Jeremy opened the door and wore a moustache that looked similar to that of Markiplier's Wilford Warstache alter ego. Except it was black with blonde highlights._

_"Mr. Unamed-cockney-boy, I- OH HEAVENS!" Jeremy exclaimed as he saw Foxy jump. As a member of security of the wonderful establishment that was the Freddy Fazbear's Gentleman's club and Children's Entertainment, he had it instilled in him to protect children. To Jeremy, it looked like Foxy was trying to bite the unnamed boy so he threw himself out to take the bite._

_CRUNCH!_

_Foxy pulled his teeth out of Jeremy's skull and stared down at the man as he began to twitch on the ground._

_"Huh. That was unexpected."_

_"MONSTER!" Freddy exclaimed, pushing his chair back as he stood up. This resulted in the chair knocking the little boy down on top of the bleeding and severely injured man and trapping him between said man and the chair. "I shall avenge our poor friend Jeremy, you heartless child hating fox!"_

_"I was trying to bite you!"_

_"That's even worse! It's one thing to make an attempt to bite a child only to bite a member of security. But to make an attempt to bite me?! That's practically close to regicide!"_

_"But, sir-."_

_"Silence boy!" Freddy pulled a shotgun out of his dressing gown and aimed it at Foxy's head._

_"Any last words?"_

_"I'LL SWALLOW YOUR ARTIFICIAL SOUL BY DEVOURING YOUR CPU!"_

_"Eat this!" Foxy yelled as Foxy jumped towards him. He pulled the trigger and Foxy was shot in the chest and fell down._

_"Now…~" Freddy wrapped an arm around Chica's waist, spun her around and dipped her. "Shall we dance?"_

_"Oh, Mr. Freddy~."_

_"Can I le-AVE nOW?" asked Bonnie, still on his knees and remaining arm._

_"No."_

"Oh my Sweeney, NO!" Chica exclaimed. Eyebrows shooting up as Freddy pouted.

"Aw, why not?"

"Because THIS is what happened!"

_In the dark, cold and lonely Parts and Services room that had slimy and grimy walls and smelled like cow farts mixed with the smells of a rat orgy, Foxy and the others stood there in loneliness and misery._

_"I hate my life," Freddy moaned before chugging down on a bottle of wine he found in the Manager's office. It was the first time he had ever had alcohol, and he found that he quite liked it and wanted to try more and more. Where was the harm in that?_

_"At least the children are happy," said Chica. Whether she was referring to the children who were watching the show on stage, or the ones the Marionette had the 'amazing' idea of putting their souls into the toy animatronics, was up to debate._

_"I should be singing," Freddy grumbled. "That Frank boy probably thinks he's better than me now that he's possessing Toy Freddy."_

_"I'm sure he doesn't."_

_"I'm the boss, not him."_

_"Of course."_

_"Why… wE… HeRE?" asked Bonnie, still hard to completely understand due to his missing face and some of the damage down to his head._

_"Because life wants to fuck us," Freddy grumbled. "In the ass, pussy and mouth. It's making us their bitch." He burped then, a few nuts and bolts that had gotten loose over the years flying out much to Chica's disgust._

_"At least you were on the stage constantly at one point," Foxy mumbled. "I was never the centre of attention every day and every hour like all of you were."_

_"Shut up, Foxy. Go shove your nose up your ass."_

_Then the door opened, and a boy with a blonde bowel hair coat and piggy nose with snot dripping down came in. Also, he was a mouth breather._

_"Hey," he said in a nasally sort of tone. "Old robots, awesome!"_

_"Ahoy, matey!" Foxy said, shoving Bonnie out of his way to step closer to the boy. Bonnie whimpered and curled up into a ball as Chica took pity and petted his head. Freddy was too busy enjoying his drink to really give a damn. "I be Foxy the Pirate Fox! What be your name."_

_"Gary Stuson Erikson Michelangelo Stu."_

_"… I'll just call you Gary."_

_"But-."_

_"You're name's Gary," Foxy said again, his smile not going away. "Now how did ye end up with a name like that?"_

_"Mommy said by giving me such a ridiculous name, I would be a good example to people to not use stupid names in fanfiction."_

_"Fan…? Never mind. Anyway, matey! How about a big 'ol hug! Then maybe ye can follow my instructions to get rid of Mangle for me?"_

_"I thought the Marionette put one of the children's souls in there," Chica spoke up._

_With the Mangle's child ghost inhibitor…_

_"I hate this place sometimes," Bartholomew (or Bart, as he preferred) muttered, sitting cross legged on the ground across from the Mangle that children were currently ripping apart. He couldn't be seen though, since he didn't want to be the one to make shit happen and scare those kids away, so he could only sit by and watch in irritation._

_Back to Foxy and the gang…_

_"Now we can play all sorts of fun game!" Foxy said happily as Freddy stood up with a drunken grin._

_"I'll be Sleeping Beauty! I'm the only one here with the ass for it!"_

_"Huh?" Gary looked at Freddy with innocent eyes, just as Jeremy came in. Blonde and blue eyed, he was also rather nervous looking and scared._

_"Erm, h-hey there…"_

_"Ahoy, lad!" Foxy said cheerfully. "How's it going? No hard feelings about trying to stuff you in a suit, yes?"_

_"Um… yeah," Jeremy said uncertainly. "Look, these parents want their kid back so if you could just-."_

_"In a minute," Foxy waved it off. "I need to give Gary here a hug!"_

_"S-sorry, but they really want their kid-."_

_"After. The. Hug."_

_"Please, Foxy. They know my parents and if I don't bring their kid out now they're going to tell my parents and I'll get grounded!"_

_"You're just trying to steal attention away from me, aren't ye you bastard!" Foxy snarled. "Well I won't have it!"_

_"But I-!"_

_"Winning pirate-style!" Foxy jumped towards Jeremy with his mouth wide open. This resulted in him biting down on Jeremy's frontal lobe._

_A moment later, Jeremy was dropped to the ground while Foxy stared at him in shock. With the amount of blood and missing parts of skull, this went a bit worse than he intended._

_"Uh oh…"_

_Gary immediately started screaming loudly, just enough for the boy's father to hear him just as he was coming out of the now toxic smelling boy's room._

_The door to Parts and Services was thrown open, and Gary's father stood there. With a body build similar to 'Team Fortress 2's' Heavy with a hairstyle similar to Elvis Presley. He stared down at Foxy as his eyes literally went on fire._

_"You! You were planning to murder my son before that brave man stopped you and lost his life to you, didn't you monster!" yelled the man, completely oblivious to the groans and cries of pain coming from Jeremy._

_"What?! No, I was trying to make the guard-."_

_But there was no mercy for Foxy as the father grabbed Foxy by his throat and pulled him outside to beat him up most horribly in such a way that they actually had to sedate the man just to get him to let go of Foxy. Five times!_

"It was an accident!" Foxy insisted, but Chica just shook her head.

"You bit him just because you thought he was trying to take attention away from you!"

"It was an accident!"

"Oh," Freddy sounded disappointed. "I remember Foxy being beat up. But I thought you were dressed up in BDSM gear and making me your submissive after the man took Foxy away."

"… That. Never. Happened. And it never will!"

"Guys…?" Bonnie spoke up, looking watery eyed. All the time spent trying to clean his guitar, and nothing seemed to work. "C-can someone help me clean my guitar? Please?"

"No one cares about your guitar, Bonnie," Freddy told the poor rabbit who was sniffing now. Chica glared and pushed Freddy past and walked over to Bonnie.

"I'll help you, sweetie."

"Really?" Bonnie looked extremely hopeful.

"Yes. Now you go to Parts and Services while I get the bleach from the kitchen."

"Okay!"

As Chica headed towards the kitchen, Freddy stared at Bonnie with a dumbfounded look as he went to the Parts and Services room.

"Damn bunny be stealing my waifu!"

* * *

><p><strong>Fun fact! This was original going to be part of 'The Marionette's Quest for Love' trilogy, as a sort of 'meanwhile, back at the pizzeria' sort of thing. But I thought it was sort of going off on too much of a tangent. I already had some of it written (and ideas for what else to add) and I thought it would make a good chapter on it's own so, yeah. I hope you enjoyed it :)<strong>

**I also want to say thank you to everyone. I never really considered myself the funniest person around, so knowing I have made some of laugh really makes me feel good about myself.**

**Also, those who may have only discovered this story now. I do have a more serious FNAF story up called 'Third Time's the Charm?', so if you're interested in that, check it out.**

**But in general, thanks to everyone. Hugs and cookies for all of you! :D**


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